After quite sometime that I'v been living my days in busy loneliness,I'v finally decided to move back to my parents' place... Accept that,my problem this time was that I wasn't allowed to bring my close friend back together with me. The only person that has been with me for nearly 3 years.. Knowing my ups and downs... Living as the only sister that I'v ever had.... Its bad enough that I couldn't get along well with my step father, lte alone even to have a one line conversation with him... Aaaarrrggghh !!!! Its so irritating to come home as a stranger daily... All the more that I won't be home always...
The house that I'v called home for nearly a year was then surrendered over. Among all my belongings and furniture have to be left there for good... Coming back home to the hometown that I grew up in,Living in a cramped space with my own family.. The thoughts are never welcoming to me. With a big difference since everything that has happened,I won't know how to go back to life normally... School was already out of the question for me now. Doesn't matter if once upon a time,all the ambitions that I had.. They all just seems to be a big smashed and shattered dreams for me. I didn't even try to establish any contacts with my former schoolmates. They just seems to vanished into thin air like smoke. The only driving force that I have in me was just to carry on living and to be earning some decent livelihood for myself. And in that,not even depending on my mother. My only contact then was towards a few friends of mine that still bothered to hang out at times. My outings with those hoteliers never did end thou at times I do get sick and tired of it.. Doesn't matter how busy my day is,I just can't shake the feeling of being alone.
After about 3 months that I went back home,I received an unexpected call from a girlfriend of mine. The call was not as surprising as the news that she bought together with her. Apparently,my so-called bestfriend was actually looking all over for me. He had wanted to contact me for so long but he just won't know where I'd be. Initially,I was reluctant to give him a call as its been nearly over a year that I'v talked to him. We used to talk a lot on the phone,everyday a new topic would arise. At times,its just empty talk with lots of jokes and laughter accompanying the conversations. I'd at most times referred him as my happy pills. Its just that,the friendship turned sour as both of us has our own serious relationship in hand. As I'v mentioned before,there were times after Gary's demised that I'v badly wanted to hear from him again. Maybe,just to get the smile back and to hear the familiar voice that I'v been so comfortable with. It took me 3 whole days before I actually could summed up enough courage to give him the much awaiting phonecall.. Maybe,the history between us was too much for me to handle then,knowing the state that I'm in,I know that the heart is still too fragile to even talk to him again.
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