My Story..... Time Will Show The Truth

Anyway, let's just cut to the chase here.. Yea.. My new year didn't start off great, its not even close to good. I found out more about my circle of friends that I have that very 1st day of the year. Even so, I guessed at that very young age, love matters more than any friendships around. I ditched my friends, almost all of them. I some how am not ashamed to admit how insecure I am about the relationship that I have. All cause, this guy..he used to be a childhood sweetheart. He used to be a bestfriend when the childhood sweetheart thing doesn't work out. I knew of his past relationships with most of my friends.. I knew what had happen between them, how he'd feel for them, what he'd do for them and even on how he'd touch them. We shared lots of things together as best of friends. Intimate details, our daily lives, our woes, our happiness and even our heartbreak stories. Yes... that's how close i was to him and he was to me. Sometimes, I felt that the reasons my friends are willing to be in a relationship with him is just a way of being able to spite me and gloat for their glories. But everytime, they failed cause he would always tell them that he'll forever be loyal to me as a friend. That is definitely something that I truly am appreciative of him. And I guessed, it's only natural that I'd look for him in my time of darkness... The relationship couldn't have come at in a better time then this. He is my knight in shining armour. Its like I'm finally given a chance to move on and my heart is totally opening up for the guy that I trusted most in life.

Being with him again after so long definitely puts my patience to the tests. As you can see, even in the midst of happiness, I do have occasions that I'd be wanting to strangle someone..hahaha...Its really taking its toll on me, I even broke down in tears once after work coz I felt awfully lonely that everyone at work was avoiding me. I was actually labelled a a back stabber or boyfriend snatcher at work coz everyone thought that I actually snagged him away from my friend. Which of coz, I didn't.. I couldn't take all the sarcasms that was thrown to me at work. The rolling of eyes, the ignorimgs.. It's just so hard to adapt to those things when you are used to the closeness among friends. I caved in and just cried.. I was in love, yes.. but still felt so alone. I'm just so confused. Should I just see life for myself only or for others.. And that's the very first time that I truly felt my mum being a mum.. She consoled me as she was shocked to see me crying so badly. But her words stick to my mind, the very first motherly advise that I needed to hear in my teenage life.. " Just be happy with the one you love, see life for yourself and not others' . They will accept it one day and time will show the truth. "

My Story.... No phones, No talk

" I know that it has been a long while that I've stopped writing. Its not that I have no materials to continue with but rather, twenty four hours a day is just not enough for me to run my life daily. I've been very busy building up my new life, scrapping off my old life bits by bits.. It's a huge challenge for a single mum indeed who's living in a forever progressing small little red dot of a country. tough but moving on to strive for a better rest of my life."

Now let's continue to where I've left off..... Let's see.. Ohh...yea...twisted words indeed. Something that I've never expected coming from her. Surprisingly, that's the very first time after such long years of knowing her that I've seen the manipulative side of her. Disappointing but what can I do? I'll take it as her art of survival. What I thought that ended up with bad notes would be mended back as we were close, as close as sisters , one would say.. However, over the span of the next few days, I also noticed the changed in behaviors from my other fellow colleagues. They didn't acknowledge me much, they didn't sit together with me during our break times, they didn't even talk to me much. As a matter of facts, It's totally safe to assume that they were actually avoiding me. I wasn't even invited or included much activities. The exclusions lasted from days to weeks. Even though I had a new sweet beginning with that special someone, I began to feel lonely at work. I gained a relationship but I sensed that I'm losing friendships. People around me just begins to treat me differently. I felt so alone at work. I knew that it shouldn't be about me, me, me always but then again,these are people who used to be so closed knitted to me at work and after work. These are fiends that I'm having after the loss of Gary. These are also people whom have helped me moved on. It's pretty bad enough that I had to face that at work but then, on a personal level and personal time, things are happening in the relationship too.

Remember the girl who told me about the phone call? Well,.. Apparently she's been calling him daily too.. Trying to chat him up and always asking him out. I can't blame her for not knowing.. coz I flt that I shouldn't just reveal the relationship to everyone yet.. It has to be done slowly and in stages. But then at the same time, I felt blessed that he is being very honest about the phone calls to me. I was always in the loop of things. He knew what I was already facing at work hence he really doesn't want me to be facing more awkward or unnecessary situations. And yet, I was taught another lesson, now by the other girl... Haiizzz... On the eve of  93' which also happens to be the the forth year of  me knowing him, Masturah actually asked him out . He was hesitant to take the offer as he knew that supposedly, I had to work that day. Somehow, she convinced him that I'll be there and that I won't be working. I had been meaning to skip work that day thou but I just haven't had the confirmation yet. And living in those era, the downside is that we either rely on public phones, residential phones, work place phones or a device that's called pager. I was uncontactable by him as I did go to work in the morning. I managed to convinced my managers to let me off in the later part of the evening. I had wanted to surprised him as I had wanted to spend the new year eve with him. And unknowing to me, he had agreed for a meet up with Masturah as he had thought that I would be there with her. Miscommunications at that point of time is definitely nothing new. It just happens every now and then.. Some with severe consequences some would be forgiveable.

I finally got off work later that day. With something nice o look forward to in heart, I called his home to look for him as I'd normally do. " He's not in. He went out already around 4pm." says the voice at the other end of the receiver.. Like what?? He went out? I didn't know he had plans, he never mentioned anything to me at all. Where could he have went to? Oh Mann... I hate this... I shouldn't have tried to surprised him. Now I have no way of contacting him.. I have to go home now.. I have to be at home to wait for his calls.. Gosshh..and I doubt that he'd try calling me earlier..coz he thought that I'm at work.. Now what a mess right? Aaaarrrggghh... Now I'm really angry at myself.. It's New Year Eve and I'm just going to stay in?