"There was once tt i was asked to tell my story... At tt point of time,i really don't see the need to tell it cause I know there's never anything special about it at all.. I'm just the ordinary me tt u see... Nothing differs from what you might see or what i am in reality....But today...after a lot of thinking and pondering around,i DO have the need to tell... Let it out in the open,let those interested know and read... Let them judge after it or make them ponder the truth about it...."
As far as i could recall,life wasn't full of bed of roses to me. The best thing tt I could remember was when I was as young as a 4 yr old toddler... Yes,till now,I'v pride myself to have a very good memory. Its just a blessed gift tt I carry till now. Unfortunately,earliest event of the memory is of my mum being abused and beaten up badly by my father. Unsightly sight for a toddler ppl would say but I was one of the witnesses to the fateful event. Mum had a big fight with my father,she went away to seek solace for a few days only to end up being beaten up by my father the moment she came home... So badly was the beatings,the punches and the kicks.. All i cud try and do is to pull my father away from her...Tried my best but all was in vain till the other family members stepped in to intervene. Yes,an aunty... Life was not easy to begin with, Living in a 1 room flat in the 80s,nothing was behind closed doors.. My family was never the aggressive sort to begin with,all 8 of us were being crowded in tt small space tt we called home... My great grandfather,great grandmother,an aunt,an uncle,my parents,then comes me and my brother. Oh yeah... I did mentioned my great grand parents and not my grand parents...yup...the survivors of the WW2... As for my grandparents,they are a different story in all.. Mother was a beautiful woman at the time,but beauty doesn't guarantee a person to have a wonderful life. My dad was a Malaysian,while my mum was a mixture of malay and chinese decendent of a Singaporean... Lacking of privacy,I'd say was the main caused of my parents dispute as i found out years and years after i grew up..Hence slowly but surely as a result,father became abusive till he even tried to drown me in a pail of water when I was 6 yrs old. He became the mean person tt I'v never knew. He shirks off his responsibilities as a father in all,forcing my mum to fend for herself then. One thing leads to another,finally they got divorce. I was confused as one day,when I was just in primary 1 tt mother asked me of my decision to choose sides...and of coz,as a child,I opted for my mum..
Eventho things at home proceeded to become a better place,the hardships are never over. Now mum has to go out and work full time. Both my aunty and uncle got married and leads their own lives with their partners and all was left was me,my brother and my great grand parents.. Even my mum stayed on her own without us. I could never get along well with my brother. He always seems to be of a nuisance to me. Always whinning,crying,taking my toys away and often causes me to be beaten up by my great grandmother.. I know he's the youngest,but like me,he's growing up too..and it always seems unfair tt he could get away from everything.. I often felt alone,unloved and uncared for..The only time tt I'd feel love from a family member was when my mum's cousin dropped by the house to meet the elderly of the family. He'd often stay over as his home was quite near to ours. When he's around,he'd often play games with me and talked to me. I was just an 8 yr old girl then.. The only worries tt I had was trying not to get any beatings from my grt grandma for my brother's annoyingness. My only point of escape then was my school band and the arrival of my mum's cousin to the house. He was already 16 at tt point of time. I'v placed so much trust in him.. How would i know tt all the friendliness tt was showered to me was just a facade? How would an 8 yr old know tt she was just made into an experiment of some sort by someone she trust? How would I know tt all the touching and kissing was so wrong? I don't.....and yet I do not know why he suddenly stop all the affections and just made his trips there lesser and lesser by the days..And yet,at that point of time,all that I bear was just loneliness again... No grudges and neither was there anger...
Life proceeded on with more beatings,either caused I refused to do my brother's homework or because the clothes tt I'v ironed is not crisps enough.Life is just so twisted.. Childhood was never really an enjoyable moment for me. I turned rebellious in school but never one tt would skip school.. School is the only place tt I felt needed.. The need to succeed was so strong in me. The need to outshine was my motivation daily. In school is where I'v placed my focus fully. Being in the school military brass band and knowing how to play almost every instruments,being in a malay dance grp where I'v learned the ways of being feminine,being in the arts club where I learnt to do all sorts of nice handicrafts and having frens who shares the same interest as me. Thats how my days would be occupied daily..just to escape the woes from home. Always finding ways to escape,making myself busy with tonnes of activities tt when time comes for the school holidays,I'd be the 1st to sign up for any activities in school... Dun get the wrong idea now,all those things doesn't turn me to be an all star student,those are just the beginning of my streetsmart ways.. I must admit tt I do hv my moments when I started smoking at the age of 11 yrs old. My neighbourhood is filled with kids like me,they are either from a broken family or their parents are just too busy earning for their worldly wealth. So we as kids,tends to look out for each other. We are a family of our own. Having arguments,learning new things,fend for each other and care for one another. That's how it was in my neighbourhood. We basically becomes independant one way or the other.
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